There comes a point in every relationship when a disagreement or one partner’s actions upsets the entire balance. Feelings are hurt. Harsh words are said. And coping with the day to day of seeing a person who you are angry with feels impossible. As these emotions bundle up inside, it can push your relationship into a rut that couples struggle to get out of. Relationship setbacks cause you to question everything you think you know about a life with someone else. Some couples never recover from them, while others are simply never the same. In order to restore balance in your personal life and help both people move past these problems, there are some important things you should do.
1. Admit the Mistake
Too often, couples will blame each other instead of admitting their mistake. When we push blame for our actions onto our partners, it tells them that we are not willing to accept fault for our own actions. Instead of blaming your partner for their actions causing your actions, admit that you made a mistake. Own up to the fact that you took the wrong course of action for the situation, and you see that.
2. Apologize, Seriously
I have rule in my life – never apologize for something unless you are serious about it. When you apologize for your actions, you are making a promise not to do what you did again. Your apology should be serious and specific while identifying what you are truly sorry about. For example, you can be sorry for hurting someone but not sorry for your actions. This message is conveyed when you say I am sorry that you feel hurt by my actions; it was not my intention. By naming the specific things you are apologizing for, you can give your apology meaning to the injured party.
3. Avoid Using but or Its Variations
The previous step is designed to prevent you from using the word BUT or its variations. When you say something like, “I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt BUT you were ignoring me and I had to take measures to get your attention.” You are saying that you are sorry for their feelings but not sorry for your actions. The previous path is a way of saying the same thing without shoving it in their face. Keep in mind that you do not have to be sorry for your specific actions as long as you accept that your actions have played a role in the setback and apologize for the outcome.
4. Set Future Intentions
One of the most important parts of conflict resolution in a relationship is setting your future intentions. Listen to your partner and hear their concerns/needs. Vent your own. Come up with a solution. Both people should make a resolution to be better moving forward for the health of their relationship.
5. Don’t Be a Repeat Offender
Repeatedly having to say you are sorry for the same situations indicates that your apologies hold no meaning. Simply put, don’t be a repeat offender. If your relationship is important to you, do your own due diligence to change the course of what can happen in the future.
A bad argument doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. Use these steps to help you put your love life back on the correct course toward a happier ever after.