A few months ago, you met someone awesome online. Then you met in person and you found him even more incredible. But now you’ve been dating a few months, and you are not sure where you stand. On one hand, you do not want to “rock the boat,” but on the other hand, you want to know if your relationship has a real future or if you are simply treading water. Having “the talk” with your new romance can be a challenge. Here are four simple tips for making it easier.
1- Remember, It’s Not about Labels
The first thing that you want to express to your partner is that this conversation is NOT about labels. Two adults who are in a relationship do not NEED to specify that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. If both people know that they are dating exclusively, that is what matters. The labels are really designed to make you rationalize the state of your relationship without having to talk about it. Start off by asking how she would define your relationship. This gives you both the opportunity to speak up and say what you think about the current state of things.
2- Define Where It’s Going
Once you have determined what you are doing together (dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, dating exclusively, etc.), then it is time to define where your relationship is going. Ask him – where do you see this relationship heading? The question is very straightforward. After a few months, two people should be able to see if they think there will be a future in their relationship. If both cannot say that they want to have a future with the other person then it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
3- Be Honest
As with any important conversation in a relationship, the hardest part is being honest. Honesty leads to vulnerability, and you might not be ready for that just yet. Vulnerability in a relationship is okay. It gives greater meaning to your words and ensures that your point is heard. Be honest and open about your feelings during this conversation.
4- Are You Okay with the Result
The last thing you need to do is determine how you feel about your conversation. If he said that he likes you but is not ready for a full titled commitment – are you okay with that? If she said that she enjoys dating you but is undecided about a future with you – are you okay with that? If you are not okay with the result of your talk then there is more for you two to discuss.
If you both decide that you are still getting to know each other then you should revisit the conversation in a few months. After 6-8 months of dating, you both should be willing to make the deeper commitment (whatever that means for you) or be willing to move on.