Like many women, my perception of myself in terms of relationships falls into three phases. The first phase was when I was in high school and at the start of college. I was confident in myself and in my relationships. Until that one bad relationship. Then I entered the phase where I am insecure about everything and thought I needed to go out of my way in all forms to keep my partner happy.
Finally, I entered the phase I am in now, which is a well-rounded female who takes a realistic approach to relationships instead of thinking that I will be alone forever. One thing I’ve discovered is that too many women dwell in that middle phase where they are insecure about everything, thanks to countless heartbreaks. But I’m here to tell you that if you want a successful, healthy, and happy relationship – you need to check your insecurities at the door.
Why the Tough Love
Relationship insecurities are often derived from the way someone else made us feel about ourselves. For example, when a boyfriend in my early 20s cheated on me and then ultimately disappeared in the middle of the night, on me, I felt like it was my fault. How could I not hold on to a relationship? How could I be so blind in not seeing the signs? Despite continuing on with other relationships, I kept this thought in the back of my head. What if I wasn’t really relationship or marriage material?
I was sure there was something wrong with me. Suddenly, I was bending over backward and ignoring my own needs just so I could please whatever man I was dating. This type of behavior is not healthy for anyone. It wasn’t until I sat down and realized that I was enough, I was good enough, and HE was the one who was wrong that I finally got ahold of myself.
I stopped thinking that ice cream, pizza, and romantic comedies could fill the void in my life and accepted that it was up to me. The tough love approach is often a necessary evil. But if we don’t tell ourselves we are worth it and pull us from the edge of darkness – then who will?
Keep Your Past Emotions in Check
Women are emotional beings. That being said, we are more prone to project our past emotions and insecurities onto new relationships. This can quickly ruin your relationship. Tune in to your emotions. When a situation arises that makes you upset ask yourself if your feelings are valid with the current set of circumstances. You will discover that, too often, those old emotions and insecurities come creeping in.
For example, if your partner takes too long to respond to a text message. He is probably busy at work or taking a nap on the couch. But you might read his two-hour delay as him being with another woman simply because you were cheated on in the past.
Banish Your Insecurities
There is no place for insecurities in your relationship. Whether it is a body issue problem or fear that your personality is overwhelming – you must own your feelings and move past them. Here’s a funny thing: no man is dating you just because he thinks it would be a fun thing to do for the moment. If someone is dating you, they genuinely want to be with you. All of you.
The right person is not going to be intimidated by a strong personality or disgusted by a few stretch marks. Instead, they are going to love you and let their love for you fill in those dark and twisty places that lurk in your mind. Push your insecurities aside and let your partner show you how beautiful you really are.