How to Identify & Understand the Introvert User

Feb 03, 2015
by Leanne Clute

Each day there are thousands of unhappy singles who claim they are simply too busy for dating. These are the types of people who avoid social interactions at all cost and you can rarely get them out to do something with even their closest friends.

You might have met this type of person during your online dating pursuits. On the surface, they seem to have plenty of time for messaging with you. But when it comes time to make a date, your calendars do not sync up. These types of people are considered introverts for their desire to live quieter, calmer lives. What do you do when you’ve met someone like this, want to pursue them further, and aren’t sure what to do?

Identify Their Socialization Issues

Many years ago I had started dating this man who was as nice as can be. He only had a handful of friends and seemed rather reserved, overall. After a few months of dating, I wanted him to meet one of my couple friends. He simply did not want to. Although he gave a passive response, I could not understand why he felt like he was too busy for socialization with someone new.

Introverted users will use a variety of excuses to get out of going on a date with you or even pursuing a relationship further. In their minds, socialization is tedious or even frivolous. Behind the security of their mobile device or laptop, it’s easy to engage in conversation. But the idea of having to meet someone in public is terrifying to them.

Some of these people, like the man I had dated, might even face social anxiety. This where panic and anxious behavior rears its head when the person is put in situations where they have to meet new people or face large crowds. Eventually I learned that this guy cried on the way to school every day until he was 16 and finally dropped out and got his GED. The idea of stepping into a big high school with thousands of students, terrified him.

Watch for verbal clues in your conversation that indicate that the user is an introvert. Subtle clues such as they are more of a homebody, don’t have many close friends, have not dated a lot in the past, and do not often try new things are key indicators.

Get Them to Open Up & Be Patient

If you find yourself genuinely interested in a user who is introverted then patience is your best friend. It takes a significant amount of time for these individuals to fully trust someone new and be willing to meet them in person. At times, it could take several months with a new match who is an introvert before he/she is willing to meet you. One fear of introverts is that another person will not like their company when they meet or that they will leave them. Introverts are known for their sensitive nature.

Plan Quieter Dates & Be Conversational

Introverted people want to know more about you but may not be willing to ask as many questions as you would like. Offer up information to them, willingly. Understand that they are not as likely to let you in but will, with time. When it comes to planning a date, choose something more low-key where there will be less people around. For example, a mid-week, mid-afternoon date at a coffee shop. Introverts typically like movies, books, and games as well. This means that any event or location centered around these activities is also a good choice. However, busy restaurants on a Friday night, concerts in the park, and festivals are going to be a no-go.

Introverted people are looking for love, just like you. They are simply a different type of personality that shows and responds to affection differently that you might.

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