Are You “Doomed” to Be Single, Forever?

Let’s have a show of hands for how many people have ever felt like there was no future for their dating life. A close friend of mine texted me this week saying that he was “giving up on women” and “destined to be alone forever.” This came on the cusp of finding out that the girl he had been dating was actually already in a relationship. I assured him that ALL of the women in Phoenix couldn’t possibly be that bad. We have all faced these moments where, after countless relationship disappointments, we are certain that love is just not for us.

But how realistic is this thought – really?

First, feeling like you are “doomed” to be single is a state of mind. You are making a conscious effort to dwell on your relationship mishaps. One thing I said to this friend was that, clearly, this girl was doing him a favor. He didn’t need to be with someone who was cheating on her partner. He deserves much more than that. The “doomed” feeling comes from feeling like everything in your life is not going according to your plans.

Start by putting to bed the “poor, poor, pitiful me” attitude. Life is not always easy. There will be hiccups and setbacks along the way. You are not the only person in the entire world who is staring at a less-than-perfect life. 10 years ago, my life goals for today were to be married, with a big house and a few kids, and be managing a funeral home or be the director of funeral services for the state of New York. But here I am, ten years later, with no marriage, no house, no kids, and no prospect of having those things anytime soon. And if we looked at my life five years ago, you would have seen a girl who was spending far too much time with the “poor, poor pitiful me” attitude.

The only way to get over that “doomed” feeling is to stop thinking that everything in the world is out to get you or working against you.

Second, you need to have faith that the right person is out there waiting for you, and you have to actively seek them out. Let’s be honest: if you think that your perfect match is just going to walk up to your front door one day and ask to borrow a cup of sugar – you are wrong. Online dating brings a world of prospects to your fingertips. Sure, you might have to weed through a few dozen matches that are not for you, but ultimately, you will find someone that you connect with. It’s sort of like the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. It’s worth the effort to reach that point.

Finally, happy people attract love – so be happy. Call it science. Call it the laws of the Universe. Call it the principles of attraction. But happier people are more appealing to other single individuals. Take time to discover what makes you happy. Your identity should not be wrapped up in whether or not you are in a relationship.

If you spend all of your time at home, thinking about your loneliness and secluding yourself from the outside world while you play video games – then you are not finding things that genuinely make you happy and help you grow as a person. Find a hobby, join a club in your area, or take advantage of some of the free community activities. Get out there and BE happy – you never know who is watching.

You are not doomed to be alone forever – that is impractical. But if you are not working on yourself and actively seeking a special someone then you will, by default, find yourself alone. Don’t give up on love – it’s not giving up on you.