The Modern First Date: Defining Intimacy

The rules of dating are completely different from what they were even ten years ago. The days of courting seem to be behind us, and women are faced with men who want them to jump into bed or don’t waste their time. This type of pressure on a first date is not comfortable for many women. The level of intimacy acceptable for a first date will vary by person and situation. Here are some things to remember the next time you are not sure of what to do.

What Is Too Soon to You?

There are many different views on intimacy on the first date. There are women who think that if it happens, it happens, while there are others that fear the morning walk of shame. If you check out any dating advice book or blog, you will discover that the general consensus is that women should not give it all away on the first date.

This new way of thinking has a lot of old roots. As dating etiquette starts to return to its more conservative roots, we are finding that smart women want a man for the long term. What this means is that more women are choosing to not give it up on the first date because they understand and accept that a man is less likely to continue with the relationship if he gets what he wants on the first (or even second or third) date.

There Is Nothing Wrong with Taking It Slow

Some women may think that if they do not give it up to a man soon enough then he will lose interest. And they would be right. But the difference between a man who loses interest quickly and one who is willing to wait for you is the quality of the man. A gentleman will want to get to know you and, therefore, wait until you are both ready to be intimate. Going slow helps build your connection with one another and ultimately makes that intimate connection stronger.

Go With the Flow

It’s often hard to gauge the expectations at the end of a first date. I have been on dates where it went well, and I expected a good night’s kiss and did not get one. Meanwhile, I’ve been on dates that were horrible and been put off by an attempt at a kiss. One thing is for sure: there is no hard or fast rule to the level of intimacy you should have on a first date.

If you are flexible with your dating rules, then simply go with the flow. If you feel that undeniable attraction to someone, then go for it. If you are not sure where things are headed but you want to see, then consider just a goodnight kiss. Do what feels right for you, and do not get pressured into anything by your date.