Breaking up the Grown up Way

We all have that one friend who becomes a massive emotional mess during a breakup. You know, the person who starts calling their ex repeatedly and excessively from a blocked number, hoping he will answer. Or the guy who starts internet stalking his ex and threatens everyone that she tries to date. Essentially doing nothing more than creating drama in her life. Over the years and countless breakups, there are a few things that we have learned that make the difference between breaking up like a hormonal teenager and breaking up the grown-up way.

It’s Okay to Be Sad

You’ve been given friends to be there for you when times get tough. Instead of focusing your energy on how you will win your ex back or what they are doing, be sad. Cry it out on your shower floor. Have a few too many drinks with your friends. Watch a dozen sappy romantic comedies. Whatever it is that helps you feel better – do that. Breakups hurt; it’s that simple. You can be sad, but don’t let your sadness run your life. Manage it and move on.

Focus On Yourself

Breakups are a great time to start getting back to you. Too often, we let our goals in life get sidetracked because we are in love. As wonderful as that feeling is, it is even better when we are able to get back to working on ourselves. After a breakup, it is common to feel like you have done something wrong – but you probably haven’t. By focusing on yourself and the ways that you want to change, you are able to distract those negative thoughts and benefit yourself in the process.

Be Objective

After a breakup, you should take a step back and assess the situation. Were you really that happy? Did you notice things about her that you did not like but didn’t want to say anything? Were you settling with him because you didn’t want to be alone?

The hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that some relationships just don’t work out. But there is always a reason, even if you don’t see it. When you reflect on your relationship, it becomes an opportunity for you to separate out your current emotional sadness from the rose-colored glasses that you viewed your relationship with. Doing so will allow you to realize that you deserve better than what you had. Once you accept that, it is easy to see the silver lining and focus on chasing after your next great love.

Rip the Bandaid Completely

Things can get complicated when you share an apartment or pets and then break up. Once you decide that the relationship is over, make it end quickly. Don’t spend weeks or months trying to figure out what to do with yourselves – that will only make the pain worse. Make logical decisions about what to do with your shared assets. Was the apartment his to begin with? Then you need to move out. Can only one of you afford the apartment, then that person should stay. Who is better equipped to care for the animals? Who bought certain home items? A breakup, especially if you have been dating for a while and are living together, is essentially a divorce which means you should treat it as such. When all is said and done, leave it be and focus on your bright future, ahead.