Is Your Marriage Salvageable? Here are 7 Signs That it Is

You may be having issues in your marriage, but don’t give up on it just yet. All is not lost, so if you’re wondering if you can save your marriage, the answer is yes…and no.

In its ideal state, marriage is an intimate union whose closeness has the power to heal many age-old wounds and restore one’s faith in love.

But what happens when that link of hope is broken and needs, well, some hope itself? What are some of the indicators your marriage is salvageable when you’re watching your closeness move further and further away in the rearview mirror?

When your marital union feels more like a chore than the wedded bliss it was meant to be, you need to see at least a glimpse of hope to help get you through the tough times.

Here are some unmistakable indicators that your marriage is far from hopeless.

You Both Acknowledge Your Imperfections

The tendency to blame your significant other for your discontentment can be somewhat sabotaging to your relationship. You say or think things like “I’m not happy because you don’t [fill in the blank].”

“You never/always [fill in the blank].”

“I never/always [fill in the blank].”

The issue with blaming is that it keeps the relationship (and the blamer) in a powerless state. If you don’t feel loved because your spouse seems to be doing everything wrong, your relationship can linger in lovelessness. After all, you’ve handed over your power because of your perceptions of another person’s behavior.

Learn to use your vulnerability when communicating. Listen with the intent to learn and grow. Doing so is a huge indicator that you and your partner can save your marriage. Understanding this may help contribute to its success.

It’s also an essential building block of genuine intimacy to acknowledge that your words, moods, and behaviors may also need a slight tune-up from time to time.

When you learn how to give your spouse (and marriage) a genuine expression of compassion and a sincere apology, it can move mountains.

Your Core Values Are Still the Same

Think back to when you and your partner were dating. How did you conclude that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

At some point, after your initial infatuation and physical attraction, you settled on an authentic revelation. You wanted to know, What are your values? What is your faith? Who exactly are you, and what do you hold dear? How do you feel about having children?

You wanted to know about things like how they felt about money and how they dealt with issues in their lives. What kind of responsibility did they have toward their community and the world in general? It was no longer just about physical attraction. It had become much more profound.

These are the questions at the heart of building a solid foundation together. The alignment of your answers is the most essential component of marital success and satisfaction.

The Grass Still Appears Greener on Your Side of the Fence

It doesn’t mean you’re necessarily headed for divorce when you ponder the “what ifs.” If you find yourself fantasizing about life with someone other than your spouse or even on your own, your marriage may need some emergency fixin’.

However, on the other hand, if thinking about a life without your spouse or walking out on your marriage freaks you out, take heart.

The takeaway message is: This is likely where I belong, and I’m just having some doubts right now. I can’t imagine my life without my spouse, but we need help reviving our connection.

The first course of action is to communicate your feelings with your spouse. Decide together if it’s best to seek professional help from a licensed therapist or spiritual counselor. You may opt to attend counseling as a couple, individually, or both. If this is the case, asking for help in a particular area of your life makes perfect sense.

You Still Have a Good Time Together

Of course, you may still shout, argue, stomp, and sulk, but in your heart of hearts, your spouse is still the one you love hanging out with.

When you enjoy a person’s company, especially during the mundane times of your life, it’s a reflection of true friendship.

Marriage may be an elevated version of friends with benefits, but the friendship part is essential to a deep and emotional connection. So, if you can still talk, laugh, play, work, travel, and simply “be” together, your relationship is built on a strong foundation.

The Issue Isn’t Necessarily Your Relationship

What your head says and what your heart feels aren’t always in alignment. What you know logically doesn’t always count when your heart wants to feel a particular way.

Sure, you understand from the beginning that no one is perfect and that every couple will have disagreements at some point. You’re also aware that marriage isn’t all about hot sex and traveling the globe without a care in the world.

However, foresight isn’t always enough to suppress your doubts when frustration, boredom, and disappointment enter your marriage stage left.

You may have demanding careers, challenges raising kids, and pressures of keeping up with the Joneses, and all these situations can take their toll. Then you throw in any other unpredictable circumstances, like caring for a sick parent, a chronic illness, and loss of a job, and POW! You’ve just been smacked in the face with life!

Suddenly, your marriage isn’t the only thing steering your life. Your life is tumbling into the unknown depths of despair, and you don’t know how to pick yourself back up.

When you recognize the outside influences that pull energy away from your relationship, you can begin taking action that can bring your marriage front and center.

You Respect One Another

When attempting to predict whether or not your marriage is salvageable or headed for the marriage graveyard, professional therapists look for specific indicators of “no return.”

If defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, or contempt are present in the relationship, you’re missing one key component: respect.

By the time partners pull out these big guns, they’re basically running around with sharp scissors. In other words, they’re this close to cutting because they’re not only going after the behaviors they dislike in each other; they’re going after everything about them.

They’re slashing at the very spirit, character, and core of each other. At this point, they have no regard for their harsh words and hostile body language, which can scar their partner permanently. Simply put–they’re going for the jugular.

Their dislike of specific behaviors and expressions simmers into a full-blown boil of insolence and contempt for their partner.

If you imagine this situation happening to you and your partner, and it makes you feel sick realizing that the love you once had for each other is gone, there’s hope! No relationship can survive without a level of respect for one another. If you still have it, don’t give up just yet.

The spark is lost, but you still have hope.

It doesn’t need to be a 5-alarm fire, but if you still feel a tiny spark that draws you to each other, just waiting to ignite, don’t let the fire burn out.

If you know the spark is gone, but you believe it’s still there somewhere, that’s good—it means you haven’t lost complete hope in your marriage. After many years together, no one has that hormonally crazed sensation whenever they see their spouse, so don’t panic.

If you found yourself stranded on a deserted island, you would safeguard even the tiniest ember with your life because you know that ember is everything, and you can work it into a full-fledged burning fire. And that fire can keep you warm, feed you, and help light up your direction.

So You Want to Rekindle the Passion in Your Marriage? Here’s How

• Rekindle sexual chemistry: Scientists have discovered that during the “honeymoon” phase of your union, oxytocin (a bonding hormone) is released, making couples feel turned on with one another. Recapture those feelings with hugs, holding hands, and tenderly touching one another.
• Foster emotional closeness: If you want to improve the passion in your marriage, you need to first work on the emotional connection. Concentrate on communicating your needs while working to meet your partner’s in an uplifting, loving manner.
• Alter your pattern of initiating sex: Stop denying your partner or coming on too strong. Avoid criticizing one another in the bedroom (and in general.) If you don’t typically initiate sexual encounters, surprise your partner the next time you engage with each other.
• Keep sexual intimacy from becoming routine: What happens after time when you stay with a routine? It becomes mundane. To spice up your sex life, plan intimacy time and avoid distractions like discussing relationship issues and household chores while in the bedroom.
• Vary your sexual prowess in the bedroom: Sex can be gentle, intimate, loving, and tender. Or it can be hot, passionate, and downright risque. It doesn’t always have to be one or the other. As long as you both consent, mix it up a little bit. Throw in some toys or movies. Try new things in the bedroom to see what you like and don’t like.

• Make sex a priority: And speaking of sex, start setting the mood before any at-home work and television. For example, try a candlelight dinner with some music and wine to set the scene for a beautiful night of passion. Once you start falling into your routine, you may become more engrossed in your activity than your partner.

  Even if you’re not a hands-on type of person, increase physical and emotional affection to help you sustain a genuine and meaningful bond.

• Be intentional: It’s so easy to get bogged down by everyday events. For this reason, you should always practice intentionality. Whenever you see your relationship falling off track, make an effort to keep it together by doing things like going on a weekend staycation or having a date night. Something as small as taking a hike together can rekindle your romance.

You hold on to happier memories.

The good news is that you’re still searching for indicators that your marriage is still salvageable, and that’s an excellent sign within itself.

But more than that, you’re looking for ways to connect to happy memories of the past and then create new ones. When the past is the only way to storage house to our joyful times, it’s easy to lose hope for the future.

However, if your marriage were beyond repair, looking back wouldn’t even be a comforting option for you because the union’s demise would likely have overshadowed your memory of the happier moments.

Do you still bask in old stories and photos that warm your heart? If you do, you have a solid foundation worth holding on to. All you need is a little inspiration, reflection, and guidance to help you build on it.

You’re Both Still Interested in Putting in the Work

Too many marriages needlessly expire because only one (or neither) partner is willing to do what it takes to help it thrive. One person cannot save a marriage. It takes two people willing to do the work to make it successful again.

Blame, pride, hurt, and fear are just a few reasons you let go of the marriage. But when you put those emotions aside, you can save what you once believed was unsalvageable. All it takes is for both parties to be willing to do what’s necessary to protect the marriage. If you have that, count your blessings because you’re already heading in the right direction–and that’s down the road to making a full relationship recovery.

Numerous predictors of a marriage’s demise include:

• lack of communication
• lack of sex
• resentment
• anger
• lack of respect

And even if you find yourself in one or more of these positions, that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be saved because it can. As long as you both are open and honest with each other going forward, you can tackle the issues head-on.

If you both agree and proclaim, “Our marriage is worth saving,” then you’ve tackled the most challenging part. You’ve admitted you do have problems but are dedicated to working on them–together.