The best-selling fan fiction, 50 Shades of Grey, maybe an international phenomenon for its risqué theme and a ruggedly handsome billionaire, but the characters of Anastasia and Christian can actually teach a lot about the importance of understanding your sexual and emotional needs in a relationship. Essentially, all the people in this world fall into two different categories. Those who know and understand themselves and those who don’t really.
We see a difference in how their relationships work because those who do understand themselves find it easier to find satisfaction in relationships and love early in life. Those who struggle and constantly feel like they are dating the wrong person often don’t understand what they need to look for in a relationship. Emotional and sexual compatibility are the two largest components of any happy, healthy love.
So what happens when you decide that you’re tired of feeling incomplete in your love life? You set out to understand what it is you need. If you’re not sure where to start, here are three easy steps to follow.
- Ask yourself: What has made me happy in past relationships? Setting yourself up for the future starts with analyzing the past. Think of every great relationship you’ve ever had and identify the few things that made you happy. What you want to make know of are those specific actions from your partner that made you feel a certain way. This step is all about identifying the feelings.
- Ask yourself: What do other people have in love that I want? Friends, family, coworkers, people on television, and everywhere we look are examples of the type of love we want to have. When you look at these other people what is it about their love lives that seem so appealing to you? We typically associate those feelings of longing for some aspect of another relationship that we feel like we are missing. This helps us identify the areas of our emotional needs which are lacking.
- Ask yourself: What do I need in terms of intimacy, chemical connection, and sexual desires? The third question is the hardest. In a world where sexual needs vary greatly from one person to the other, it is easy to find yourself thinking that what you need might never be met. For some individuals, all they seek is companionship. For others, they seek to use sex as an emotional outlet. Some individuals don’t believe in love at first sight or unbridled physical attraction. Others can’t imagine a love life without crazy chemistry.
Take a look at the answers to your questions and identify what you feel is most important for each category. You want to be as raw and honest with yourself as possible. No matter how crazy or unrealistic you think your emotional and sexual needs are, there is someone out there who is going to be able to meet them. Keep this list somewhere where you can refer to it often. When you are ready to start a new relationship, ask yourself if this person is able to meet these needs. If you are vetting candidates for online dating, discussing your emotional and sexual needs is a perfect way to weed out those who are worth your time and those who are not.