Even though there is so much positivity to experience, sadly, people tend to be more drawn to the negative aspects of life. Unfortunately, allowing negativity to permeate your soul consistently attracts toxic people into your life, destroying any remaining optimism.
What’s worse is that some negative people intentionally try to drag you down to their miserable level because they need someone to feel as badly as they do. When this happens, please don’t fall for it!
Surrounding yourself with people who infect you with negativity can affect you mentally and physically. So, if you want to live a happy, healthy, carefree life, you should eliminate those who attempt to bring you down by pushing their pessimism onto you.
Even when you try your best to remain on the positive side of things, toxic people are lurking in the shadows, waiting to cross your path.
Whether the gloom and doom come from your job, family, coworkers, or other people you interact with continuously, you must be proactive and protect yourself from their toxicity.
However, when the negativity comes from your partner, it can be more challenging. Here are some signs that your partner is dragging you to their dark side.
Are They Trying to Make You Miserable?
When you were younger, adults warned you to watch the company you keep and choose your friends wisely because your inner circle says a lot about who you are and what traits you have. But what happens if your partner is toxic? They’re the type of person who constantly complains and not only basks in pessimism; they want you to dwell there with them.
Unfortunately, if you’re regularly in their company, you may eventually take on some of their traits without realizing it. One day, you’re happy-go-lucky, and the next, you’re complaining about corrupt politicians.
Sometimes, you’re too close to the situation to see what’s happening before your eyes, so if you want to know if your partner is dragging you down, here are some classic signs that you are headed down an unhealthy path.
They’re Quick to Point out Flaws
Pessimists like to point out flaws–every single one of them–in you and everyone else. They never want to compliment or showcase your attributes because that would be too positive.
Instead, they prefer to dwell on any quality they deem negative (you chew too loudly, you’re always late), and if they have to deal with it, you should also deal with it.
They’ll do whatever they can to snatch away your happiness, but get this; their motives aren’t always malicious. They feel so miserable within themselves that they can’t help putting that negativity on others, especially you.
They Always Criticize Others
Unfortunately, people with toxic personalities never have a kind word to say about anyone–not a single word! All they see are someone’s faults; unfortunately, those they criticize will hear about it, too. You’re tired of listening to them talk shady about everyone; no one is exempt, not even you.
Some of the faults they find in others are things no one would’ve noticed if your partner didn’t shine a spotlight on them. “Did you see those ugly shoelaces? They were two different shades of black.” Seriously, who cares?
Eventually, you may end up with a splitting headache when you’re around them too long because the dark cloud that constantly looms over them can make you sick.
The normal everyday guy isn’t the only person who falls into your partner’s giant ball of critiquing mess. You’re dating a person who loathes celebrities, so they’ll have something negative to say about every last famous person, Mother Theresa included. “Didn’t she ever take a break from trying to save the world? Sheesh!”
It gets tiring being around someone who does nothing but condemns others. Maybe the person they’re criticizing is a dick and deserves it. But that’s not for them to judge. Some people struggle as much as the next guy, and the last thing they need is for some stranger (or anyone) to look down on them.
They Love Gossip
Most people have that one friend in the group that loves to gossip. In that case, it’s simple; if you don’t want to listen to it, you can walk away or not call them. When it’s your partner, walking away can be more difficult, especially if you live together.
They may come home from work and talk about all their coworkers and how they did this and how they did that.
You go to another room, and they walk behind you, still talking about how one of their managers was caught with their secretary or some other salacious topic.
The worst part is they find someone else’s downfall amusing. Sometimes, it makes you wonder what they say about you–even though you’re dating.
Some negative people don’t give anyone a pass, and yes, that means you, too. That’s the thing with pessimistic people; they will trash-talk anyone if the gossip is juicy enough, so even their own mother should beware.
Their Negativity Comes with Insults
One thing about toxic people is that they love insulting others because putting people down is their specialty. Most insults come from jealousy and immaturity, typically from a troubled or traumatic childhood.
Because of their insecurities, if ten things look good on a person, they’ll pick at the one thing that doesn’t. For example, a hot dude that’s buff walks by, and your partner says, “Ghee, I guess he skipped leg day!”
Their negativity radar is set to heat-seeking mode, and they’ll hone in on the one thing they can rip apart.
Venom Rolls Off Their Tongue Like Water Rolls Down a Hill
It’s scary how easy it is for your partner to spew out negative words like it’s their job. The next time you’re with them, listen to the words coming from their mouth. A person who tries to infect you with their negativity will use tons of negative comments and phrases like
- “I can’t.”
- “That is so stupid.”
- “Do you really think that’s going to work?”
Toxic words and terms may be their go-to, but sarcasm is a close second. They may think they’re being funny, but they’re not. Their type of humor is typically accompanied by an eye roll and someone getting their feelings hurt.
Their conversations are primarily about how the world is going to shit. The sad thing is that they may not even realize they’re doing it. Their world outlook has become so despondent.
For them, being negative is as automatic as waking up in the morning. Consequently, their pessimism isn’t something you want rubbing off onto you.
They Drain You of Energy
Negative people are like vampires, but instead of draining you of blood, they suck every ounce of positive energy out of you. When you spend time with them, you often feel emotionally and spiritually drained, which may eventually manifest as a physical illness.
You don’t understand why you’re always tired, but then you realize it’s because you’re spending a lot of time with them. You feel refreshed and revitalized when you’re away from them, but as soon as they come around again, it’s back to being depleted. It’s a neverending cycle.
They Find It Difficult to See You Win
A true partner shows sympathy in your time of need and rejoices in your winning season. However, a negative person isn’t happy when you accomplish something.
Sometimes, it’s intentional, and other times, it’s done on a subconscious level. When they don’t know they’re doing it, they may feel like they should be happy for you but can’t quite muster up the enthusiasm.
They can’t see past their negative perceptions and feelings of inadequacy to realize that they should be sharing in your emotions. They can muster up a fake smile but secretly wish it was them and are jealous because
- You achieved something great
- You’re no longer down in the toxic trenches with them
And you know what they say about misery-loving company, and if you can’t keep them company, what good are you?
Negative People Are Jealous
Jealous people are insecure and controlling. They’re never happy about anyone else’s achievements because, to them, it just highlights their shortcomings.
Unfortunately, some of their toxic behaviors may have rubbed off on you, so sometimes you feel jealous of their accomplishments.
But they’re highly upset if you’re not jumping up and down when they accomplish something. They accuse you of being the one who’s jealous when they do the same thing to you or anyone else who’s successful.
Over time, hanging with a jealous person can make the green-eyed monster pop out of you, too. If this happens, remember all that you have to be grateful for. There are plenty of blessings to go around, so whatever someone else receives, you can receive the same and more.
They Regularly Fill Your Head with Doubt
Someone negative is the first to crap all over your hopes and dreams. They claim they don’t want you to take risks to achieve your goal because they’re looking out for your best interests and don’t want you to fail.
When you tell them of your aspirations, they say, “Good luck because no one has ever done that before!” or “I don’t even know why you bother.”
They really mean that they don’t want you to take risks to go after your dreams because if you succeed, they’ll be the only loser. Why? Say it with me–because misery loves company.
To get you back into their “safety zone,” they don’t offer any assistance and give you all sorts of reasons for your goal being unachievable.
The cunning naysayers will act like they’re behind you one hundred percent but will quietly fill your head with doubt without you even knowing what they’re doing.
They’ll say, “I can help you get that done, but it doesn’t make much sense to do it that way.” By the time they’re finished with you, you’ll be questioning your own dreams, thinking, “Yeah, maybe they’re right and it can’t be done.”
Their Toxic Behavior Starts Rubbing off on You
You can “forget” to return their call, run to another room, and regularly come home late from work, but unfortunately, negativity is difficult to escape. Eventually, you’ll have to see them again, and when you do, you’re back chilling at Pessimistic Palace.
Did you know that attitudes are contagious? It takes a lot of mental energy to ward off such negativity, but to stay on an even kilter; you need to get your positivity up.
How do you know the negativity is rubbing off on you?
If you go out and find yourself checking out and critiquing things like the color of people’s shoelaces, you’ve entered the pessimistic zone.
Suppose you feel drained and don’t know. Chances are their doom and gloom rubbed off you. While being negative is easy to do, it drains you of all your energy.
They Manipulate with Their Pessimism
One common trait toxic people have is that they’re often manipulative. They do what they can to affect your emotional and mental states by working you like a puppet on a string. They’ll use mind games, guilt trips, complaining, and even lying tactics to get what they want.
According to NIH (National Library of Medicine), people with disagreeable personalities can be very manipulative and are often selfish. They can become greedy to gain some power. The study determined that these people have dominant-aggressive tendencies, so it makes sense that this behavior can rub off on you.
Their Negative Attitude Tears You Down
It’s sad to say, but if you accomplish something great in your life, they may not feel happy for you, so it’s best not to expect it–even if it’s your partner.
It may not be intentional, but sometimes they downplay your success, which could be for specific reasons. They may be OK with you succeeding, but only to a certain level. If you bypass their achievements, it can leave them feeling bad about themselves.
When you’ve done something you feel good about, they’ll come at you with snide comments like “anyone can do that,” or “that’s easy.” They want to lower your self-esteem just enough to bring you down to their level.
They Play the Victim
Nothing is ever their fault. Instead, everyone else is out to get them, including you. They feel like the world owes them, and they want you to agree and see things from their vantage point.
Everything is about them, and their ‘woe is me’ attitude. Often, they’ll play the martyr of a situation to make you feel like they’re sacrificing everything.
For example, they’ll say, “Never mind, I’ll just do it all. You sit right there and do nothing like you always do.” Then, when they actually have to do it, you can best believe they’ll complain the entire time. Plus, they’ll never let you forget the “sacrifice” they made for you.
Lying Is Common for Negative People
Negative people are liars and love to season every story with a dash of dishonesty to spice it up. They always tell you what you want to hear instead of the truth and sometimes tell complete fabrications to make them seem more significant.
People who engage in pathological lying often try to make up for their life’s shortcomings. These bad habits mask the inferiority they have dwelling inside.
How to Know Someone Is Lying to You
As lovely as it would be, not everyone is truthful one hundred percent of the time. Whether it be a blatant lie like being faithful to your spouse or a tiny lie like “I love that color on you!” We’ve all told a fib at some point. Here are some ways to know if they’re lying to you.
- Speech pattern change: When people lie, their mannerisms and voices change. For example, some people’s tone of voice gets higher when they’re telling an untruth.
- Saying too little: Truthtellers give details, whereas liars never go beyond their prepared stories and offer no further information.
- Saying too much: On the other hand, liars deceive by stretching out the truth with too many words. They tend to add excessive details to convince others of their story.
- They use non-congruent gestures: If an individual says yes but shakes their head no, it may indicate they’re lying. These gestures are movements on the body that don’t coincide with what they’re saying.
- Eye direction: Someone telling the truth can maintain eye contact. Liars can’t because they aren’t telling the truth and don’t want you to see that through their expression, so they’ll dart around in attempts to avoid making contact with you.
- They cover their eyes or mouth: Since you want to cover up a lie or hide a reaction to it, they put their hands over their mouths or eyes when telling a lie. Some may even close their eyes when they lie.
- Pointing of fingers: When you point toward or at something or someone, it’s typically a desire to remove the focus off you and put the blame onto someone else.
- Fidgeting: When telling a lie, the anxiety has kicked in, which causes blood to withdraw from the extremities. They try to calm that response by getting the blood to flow back to those areas with, you guessed it, fidgeting.
- They tell you they’re a good liar: It doesn’t get easier than this because a good liar will come out and tell you they’re one. They’ll tell tiny lies to friends and colleagues in person, focusing on telling clear and straightforward stories. So, when they brag they’re a good liar, don’t trust it.
The bottom line is these are only indicators that someone is lying to you. But the truth is, there are always exceptions to the rule.
If you want to know if someone is a liar, use these indicators and keep a watchful eye out for other signs (Coming home late, not being where they say they’re going to be).
They See Themselves as Superior
Nine times out of ten, when someone acts like they’re better than everyone else, it usually stems from insecurities. However, you shouldn’t have to deal with a partner who acts superior and puffs themselves up in your presence.
They attempt to compensate for their inadequacies, but their demeanor only comes across as humiliating and like they’re putting people down. They often use an assertive tone of voice to make themselves seem superior, but it’s all an act.
To them, acting superior is using some of the other characteristics we described above, like
- Criticizing others
- Playing the victim
- Lying to make themselves look good
- Manipulating with their toxic behavior
- Don’t like seeing others win
As humans, we tend to gravitate toward people with similar traits. If your partner is negative, you may need to search within yourself to see if you hold some of those same characteristics.
However, even if you strive to be the best person you can be, some toxic people can infiltrate your inner circle and try to bring you down by infecting their pessimism onto you. These people are quick to find fault with everything.
If you are dating a toxic person, you should first communicate with them to find out why they feel it necessary. They may be thankful that you pointed it out because they weren’t even aware they were doing it. They often have low self-esteem and don’t realize they want to drag others down to their level.
However, being negative is just how some individuals are. If you can no longer deal with their caustic behavior, it may be time for you to move on. But that’s OK because you tried your best to make it work.
Remember, you can’t change a person. You can only change how you deal with that person, and sometimes, walking away to salvage your mental well-being is the best thing to do.